Hair Dye, Sombreros, and Crazinesz
by TheRandomWeirdo
Summary: So, Lucy is a girl with a life, but then, her life CHANGES DRASTICALLY when her baby nephew child Romeo gets engaged to her bro/(platonic)girlfriend Wendy. Rated T for maybe mature themes and weirdness that should not be subject to children.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** So, Lucy is a girl with a life, but then, her life CHANGES DRASTICALLY when her baby nephew child Romeo gets engaged to her bro/(platonic)girlfriend Wendy. Rated T for maybe mature themes and weirdness that should not be subject to children.

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 **TheRandomWeirdo: Hello people of the world! I hope you're ready to commence in the wild journey of Lucy as, um, CRAZINESZ happens (hence the name). Throughout this story, things may not seem very fanfiction-like, but alas, I get bored, so this is the result of my random Fairy Tail character related thoughts! Enough of me babbling, if you enjoy the story, review, follow, and maybe even favorite! Please don't be shy and tell me if my story was entertaining or just blegh, I'm still learning! Enjoy!**

 **WARNING: Strangeness and confusing events are about to occur. If you are prone to illness by cause of these events, please take caution. Also, this a work of fiction based on Hiro Mashima's Fairy Tail manga. Just thought I'd put that out there. You know. So I don't get sued or anything. Love you, Hiro Mashima! Don't sue me!**

* * *

 **Lucy's P.O.V**

This is how my crazy story of how I met… _him…_ began.

* * *

I was walking into my apartment complex when I realized I needed to pick up the mail. I looked inside my slot (which almost never had anything that I wasn't expecting), and found something extremely surprising.

My little nephew Romeo was getting married to my bro/girlfriend (platonically), Wendy.

I was surprised for a number of reasons.

A. Romeo was kind of… annoying and immature, and I didn't expect anyone to get married to him because of that.

B. Wendy was really cute and adorable, and I always figured she would snag some hot guy who like cute girls instead of someone like Romeo who was… also cute and adorable.

C. I have always shipped Wendy with Doranbolt (or was it Mest? I was never really sure on that topic) so this was kind of disappointing…

D. This last reason was _very_ important. This was probably one of the number one reasons why I was extremely surprised at why they were getting married…

Romeo, has normal colored hair that was shaped kind of like a dollop of whipped cream.

Now, don't get me wrong, this kind of hair doesn't look _bad_ on _him,_ but… having normal hair wasn't normal. I mean, his hair paired with Wendy's just doesn't make sense!

I guess from this you can tell one of the main things I look at for couples is the hair. Mest would have been perfect… He has facial hair! That would match perfectly with Wendy's adorable face… "Sigh… Well, I guess I'll just head over to the store."

Yup. You guessed it. I was heading to the store to buy the new couple their wedding present. And of course, I'm getting them…

Permanent hair dye and gel!

It doesn't matter if the hair dye doesn't turn out to be the color that it says on the box, because as long as Romeo's hair is not a normal shade of brown, blond, or black (or in this case, such dark purple it looks like black with a purple shine,) Wendy and him will actually look decent together!

Honestly, this truly is a wedding present for both of them. Romeo gets to look normal in an un-normal way, and Wendy doesn't have to look at Romeo and get bored, thus ruining a married relationship! I'm a genius!

* * *

 _Narrator here! Oh and in case you were wondering about Lucy, if you were looking you would currently be able to find her in the hair dye section of the convenience store! The convenience store for some reason has everything convenient to your needs… I wonder why?_

 **(Back to Lucy's P.O.V)**

"Doo do do do dooo, hmm… What color should I get for Romeo?" I hummed to myself as I searched the different hair coloring products, looking for a permanent-ish one that would not make Romeo look worse than he already does. Not that he looks bad…

Suddenly, I felt something scratchy against my bare arm and immediately following a whole person was crashing into me.

"What the hell?!" I mumbled to myself as I looked down at my feet where a man with a black mustache and sombrero was lying. I assume it was because they had bumped into me and were knocked to the ground.

"Hola, senorita! It is your lucky day! You are the chosen one!" The strange sombrero man said after popping up.

"Um… Chosen for what?" I asked, not really wanting to fool around. I was on an important errand!

"It is fate that you get this absolutely remarkable coupon for salsa and guacamole here at Convenience Mart!" The strange sombrero man proclaimed.

"I refuse! No salsa and guacamole can be used by anyone from anywhere other than the MAGICAL LAND OF SUACAMOLE! Where every day you get to feed on Suacamole which is a mix of salsa and guacamole. If you are going to try to force me to buy hideous ingredients that don't make the perfect Suacamole, let me just tell you right now sir, I would rather DIE than betray my beliefs!" She proclaimed dramatically and with all her heart.

The strange sombrero man tipped his head down just far enough so that the sombrero was shading his eyes and he held an extremely serious look from the bridge of his nose down (because you couldn't see his eyes), and quite frankly, Lucy was thinking that he actually might kill her.

He didn't.

In fact, it would almost have been better if he did.

That way, the CRAZINESS that occurred afterwards could have been prevented.

* * *

 **Who is Sombrero-man?!**

 **To be continued…**


	2. Chapter 2

**TheRandomWeirdo:** I haven't posted this (or any) story in a while, and that was because I wanted to finish the story before I posted it, but that plan was abandoned when I felt like being active. So if you discover that this chapter is much better than the last, or you like the story somehow, please, tell me about it, review, favorite, follow, whatever. This is pretty much a crack story so just read and make fun of it and whatever the heck you want.

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Lucy peered at Sombrero-man as he stared at her heavily. She was actually almost getting slightly scared now.

Suddenly, she didn't see Sombrero-man, and at almost the exact same time, she felt a hot pink blindfold being tightly wrapped around her eyes as she was pushed into a shopping cart.

' _Hmm… Well this doesn't happen every day. I'm tired of walking around this convenient mart anyway, and I'm bored with life, so I'll just see how this goes until we reach wherever this psycho is taking us.'_ Lucy thought to herself.

As you can see, she wasn't the most cautious nor caring of people.

… And she did appreciate that the blindfold was hot pink.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sombrero-man (whose official name is currently unknown), was crazily maneuvering the shopping cart down the wild alleys of… whatever town they were in. He honestly forgot, the most probable cause being too much salsa and guacamole consumption.

Somewhere along the line, his mind went blank.

…

Why was he pushing a shopping cart really fast and dangerously down strange alleyways again?

He took a look inside the cart… and saw a busty blond woman wearing a hot pink blindfold sleeping with her legs propped up on the edge of the basket very casually.

"OHMIGOSH. WHAT?!" The shopping cart abruptly stopped, jolting Lucy from her nap.

"Huh- wait, wha…?" She said, rubbing her eyes as she regained her balance after being thrust about inside the basket.

"Why in the world am I pushing you around? Why are we in a dark, deserted alley? And… Why am I in a sombrero and Spanish clothes?" Sombrero-man asked, legitimately not knowing what was going on.

"Goodness me, don't tell me you've forgotten?" Lucy inquired, taking up a British accent for no apparent reason.

"Um… I won't then, but could you please explain to me what's going on?" Sombrero-man questioned, growing increasingly wary by the second.

"That's what I was hoping you'd tell me, one second I was innocently shopping for hair dye, the next you were jumping me and now here I am in a shopping cart with a blindfold on- nice choice in color by the way, it's very pleasant- waiting to see what you were going to attempt to do with me." Lucy explained.

A slight pink glazed Sombrero-man's cheeks as he imagined jumping this pretty lady, blindfolding her, and putting her in a shopping cart to be pushed into a deserted alleyway.

He couldn't really remember doing any of that.

In fact, he couldn't even _imagine_ doing all that. He liked to consider himself sane.

"I'm sorry, but are you sure you've got the right person? I don't really see myself doing any of those things." Sombrero-man asked.

"Do you see anyone else who could've done any of that? And besides, your reasoning doesn't even make sense." Lucy replied, waving him off.

"And why is that?" Sombrero-man asked.

"You can't see yourself doing anything, unless you're in front of a mirror or some other reflective surface! And you were not holding a mirror, you can't go back in time to see yourself not doing it, and I'm almost positive there were no reflective objects!" Lucy explained enthusiastically.

"..."

"By the way, Sombrero-man, how come you've changed personalities all of a sudden? You seemed a lot more interesting a little while ago when you were pushing me around. It was as fun as a roller-coaster ride, except more thrilling. I was half expecting to be rammed into a wall!" Lucy squealed, acting as though one of her OTPs just had a really cute moment.

"Changed personalities? What do you mean? I've always been sane, I'm not an id- oh. Oh crap. Wait. What time is it.?" He asked nervously, dreading the answer.

Lucy scooted up a bit and pulled out her phone from the back pocket… of a very short, very tight skirt.

Sombrero-man gulped.

"Um… about 5:18." Lucy responded.

"... AM or PM?"

"Hm… PM."

"Oh. Crap. CRAP!"

"What?" Lucy asked, getting more confused the more Sombrero-man acted as if he was a different person than before.

"Ok, I really hope he hasn't gotten himself arrested… or worse… I need to go find him." Sombrero-man hurriedly thought out-loud as he paced.

"Wait! Find who? I thought you were going to take me somewhere to participate in activities with me that somehow related to coupons for salsa and guacamole?!" Lucy frantically asked, acting and speaking like a desperate one night stand who craved more as she leaned on the side of her bare legs while reaching out for Sombrero-man, eyes frantic and hair tousled. This really seemed like something out of some cheesy movie. That's also kind of what she was going for.

Sombrero-man stopped in his tracks as he looked at her, male mind becoming distracted from the prior situation that had previously been urgent, but was now in the back of his mind.

He stared blankly at her for a few moments, mouth agape, as he was thinking of nothing and at a loss for words.

Then he registered what she had asked him.

"My gosh, what the hell goes through his mind?!" Sombrero-man exclaimed as he started to rush out of the current alley they were in.

"Wait! Sombrero-man! At least tell me your name!" Lucy pleaded, now confirming that she was playing the melodramatic damsel.

"My name…?

I go by two names… but I shall tell you what my current being is called.

This creature I am now is…

 **Gratsu**."


End file.
